Politics
Town Elects Golden Retriever Mayor After He Promises to Be a Good Boy
His first executive order requires every town meeting to begin with a walk.
Satire, one headline at a time.
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Other
Commuter Arrives at Work With Coffee Somehow Colder Than the Train Platform
Investigators are looking at a 12-minute delay and a lid that never quite snapped on.
Tech & Science
Office Computer Chooses Start of Presentation to Begin Its 47-Minute Update
The progress bar has been at 99% since the first round of questions.
Other
Houseplant Thriving After Being Officially Given Up On
Its owner is now offering the same treatment to the rest of the windowsill.
Sports
Local Team Requests Extra Halftime to Figure Out Which Goal Is Theirs
The captain has called for a second coin toss and a clearer map.
Entertainment
Moviegoer Finishes Popcorn During the Previews, Forced to Watch Movie
The theater declined to comment on whether a refill could have changed the outcome.